Fast-forward to today, and the boy comes home all excited telling me about a new game he played at recess... with the girls! Apparently, it's called "Huggies" and it involves the girls chasing after him and a couple of other nerdarinos -- when he gets caught, the girls hug him and pretend to kiss him. HUGGIES!!! The boy is a fucking GENIUS!!! I never got to play "Huggies." Hell, I never even got to play "Walk Nearies." If he's doing Huggies in fourth grade, who knows what kind of shit's gonna be going down on the playground by junior high. Shit, I better give him "the talk" soon. One too many "Huggies" and he's gonna be changing Huggies.
Oh, and here's the fortune I got tonight from a not-completely horrible new Thai restaurant we tried tonight:
What the fuck?! "Being an able man. There are always."?! Always what? ALWAYS WHAT?!?!? That's lame even for a fortune cookie. I don't know if it's a code, or what. It's not a palindrome. I tried to find an anagram in there. The best one I got was "Benign anal beam. Lay her seawater." Which makes a LOT more sense, because I certainly wouldn't lay her seawater if her anal beam were malignant. What kind of monster do they think I am?!
4 comments:
Man, any anal action in seawater would seriously burn. Don't do it if you like her at all!
My last fortune cookie was nebulous and/or misspelled, and/or poorly punctuated.
YOU ARE SOCIAL ABLE AND ENTERTAINING
Maybe in Chinese it's beautiful and meaningful.
There is no money in fortune cookies. no proofreading jobs in fortune cookies. or whomever makes them just wants fo fuck with us all. they got you to spend many time about them thinking.
(yes i am a lame ass, sorry)
Ah, playing hugging games in the fourth grade. I was a sporty youth on the playground at that age, but I do recall the girls introducing capture and hug games and luring us off the sports fields and into the woods that year. 4th grade was also the year I went on my first ice cream double date. Being asked was akin to the beginning of "The Planet of the Apes" where the humans are running through the cornfields and the apes are jumping out from behind bushes with nets. Our dates didn't use nets, but they did leap out from behind bushes. Of course at the ice cream parlor the girls sat at a different booth and stuck us with the bill. Sitting with another guy at an ice cream parlor listening to "Come on Eileen" was not my idea of a first date. And since I had way older siblings who had allowed Playboys to enter my hands at the tender age of 6, I clearly had some notions of what dates could be like. My town was fast, but I was a tad faster. Later at the beach that summer I recall having to explain to my best friend who was a year older than me (going into the 6th grade) the benefits of playing freeze tag with the girl he liked when they were on sort of a first date. While the ocean surf that would do the freezing was loud, the girl clearly overheard me over enunciate for the fifth time, "When the water catches her and freezes her you get to touch her – anywhere!" I wasn't always an opportunistic creep. There was an earlier, more innocent time when I played chase and strip just for the pure fun of it with both sexes. What, didn't the kids in your neighborhood act out the crazy fan scenes from "A Hard Day's Night" where you chased each other around the house screaming and trying to rip off the designated Fab Four's clothes? No? Oh. That's cool.
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