Friday, October 27, 2006

What's the Over-Under on Dad vs. Mom?

Tonight the old lady and I were making dinner for the spawnage and we were talking about something random -- I don't remember what it was, but it was just a normal discussion about whatever. Probably something to do with the non-existent kitchen we were standing in. While we were talking I heard Mr. Z stage-whisper to Miss O:

MR. Z: Who do you want to win the argument -- Mom or Dad?

What the shit, dude?! That was so not an argument. First of all, we rarely argue, and when we do, it's pretty much never in front of the them. I wish I hadn't said anything, though, 'cuz I'd love to know who they wanted to win. I'm guessing they would've been on my side. Though I'm not sure, because a week or so ago, on a particularly heinous day when I was probably not at my bubbliest, I heard this conversation:

MR. Z: Who's putting you to bed tonight, Mom or Dad?

MISS O: I think Dad is. [pause] Sometimes I wish there were two Moms.

Harsh? Shit yeah, but I didn't take it personally. I was being kind of a dick that day and normally they prefer to have me put them to bed because I tell "wacky" stories and the old lady usually just rubs their backs and reflects on the day (boooring).

The point I'm trying to make is, most of the time kids don't know what the fuck they're talking about. They think you're arguing when you're not, they're fickle with their allegiances -- shit man, they think there's a fucking fairy that puts money under their pillows when their goddamn teeth fall out. You think I'm going to take what they're saying personally? Fuck that.

They do make great drawings sometimes, though. Here's that poster Miss O made in kindergarten:

And here's some bizarre game Mr. Z is making up that involves all the kids in his class as Lego people:

Yeah, they're pretty cute. But they still have no fucking idea what an argument is.


EOB said...

When my 3-year-old Mr. S learned the other day that our friend's daughter had two mommies, he thought she was very lucky. I know this had less to do with open-minded child rearing and more to do with his jealousy that he couldn't have two moms... minus me. He also announced yesterday that when he grows up he wants to be a Cat Maker. So I think it's appropriate to now rent him "The Island of Dr. Moreau."

crabbydad said...

These kids today, E. No appreciation for the paterfamilias. Ungrateful bastards.

And I'm sure he's ready for "The Island of Dr. Moreau." All kids should see Brando in a mu-mu by the age of 4. Very educational.

Evan said...

Evan should be at least level 4!

crabbydad said...

Maybe if you work REALLY hard, Evan, you can one day be on the same level as Alexis. And she's eight.