Here's something I learned today from the dogs.lovetoknow.com (I added a few of my thoughts while reading)...
For Die-Hard Do-It-Yourself Types
Many breeders and owners feel capable of expressing their dog's anal glands themselves. They're dicks. However, one should be prepared for the anal gland secretions to appear and smell quite disgusting. Seriously?! That surprises me. If you feel this is a task you are willing to perform, here are some basic directions. Please be advised, that you should only perform this procedure on your own dogs and never someone else's. Because the bible says, "Thou shalt not express thy neighbors' dog's ass sacs."
1. Prepare a warm moist washcloth.
1b. Shove moist washcloth up dog's "bung."
2. Locate your dog's anal glands by raising his tail and using your other hand to feel for two lumps at approximately five and seven o'clock on either side of his anal opening. Whatever you do, don't feel at "midnight." This is known as a "rusty dogbone."
3. Holding the cloth over his anal opening to prevent an unpleasant squirt (You mean like that Jonathan Lipnicki kid?), begin applying firm but gentle pressure to the sacs (which is what he said). This should cause some of the fluid to be expelled through the rectal opening, thereby emptying the glands. Some people call this "shitting." Wipe your dog's behind clean, and the job should be finished. As should be any shred of self-respect you had left.
If you notice blood or pus in your dog's anal gland secretions you should probably get yourself a hobby. It is likely a sign of infection, and you should contact your vet for an appointment and treatment. But it's a good idea to wash your hands before making the call.
A) Who knew dogs had fucking "anal glands."
2) Who knew said fucking anal glands might some day need "expressing."
iii) I ain't expressing no fucking anal glands.
We couldn't have just gotten some fish...