Tuesday, June 17, 2008

BuTt There's Nothing to Do...

Miss O started camp this week but, unfortunately, Mr. Z's camp doesn't start until next week, so he's been moping around the house, bored off his ying-yang and begging to play the goddamn Wii all day. Oh, and did I mention he's sick... again?! Woke me up at 4 a.m. this morning with a fever. I'm beginning to think our house is built out of that toxic mold shit... or maybe WE are. All I know is that, in some way, shape or form, there's a fungus amongus.

Anywhich, I'm not taking the easy way out and letting the boy diddle around with the Wii for half the day. Call me krazy, but I don't think it's healthy for him to virtually kick Meta Knight in the throat for 15 hours in a row. Nine hours, maybe. No, we're mixing things up with a little TV here, some reading time there, some drawing time, some practice-your-fucking-piano time, and even a half-hour a day of "Hey, let's go over some math problems and see what you remember!" That's his favorite.

He's spending most of his time drawing, though. He's like a boy possessed, bent over his notebook, huffin' marker fumes and whipping off ream after ream of wildly decorated dead tree skin. Some of it is most excellent -- new characters, stories and video game ideas. A lot of it, however, is this:

It's like a Tourette's Graphic Novel. Or a shitty version of Dr. Seuss. Dr. Deuce, maybe. It really is all about butts and shit for that boy, though. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm the first one to laugh at an errant turd sketch or blow snot out of my nose at the sweet sound of a well-timed fart, but Mr. Z is truly an excrement expert, a crap connoisseur... a fartuoso, if you will. I guarantee, that lad will grow up to either be a proctologist or.... I dunno... a scat singer?

I wonder where he gets this shit? Must be his mother.


Kim said...

Don't worry. This too shall pass!

Shannon said...

The baby is really enjoying it when I read your posts out loud to him before his morning nap. I think they are expanding his vocabulary. Maybe his first word will be fartuoso?

crabbydad said...

Kim, at the Crabshack, it's always passing.

And Shannon, be careful. Do you really want your child's first words to be "What the shit?!"

carolyn said...

Love the rainbow "pyook." And I'm glad someone else out there loves Bloo. The funniest guy/blue thing on tv.

Jeremy said...

OK, go here and get the Spore Creature Creator:


And you won't NEED summer camp. This will keep Mr. Z busy for, I think, the rest of his life. Warning: it may kill June for you, too.

It's good.

Shannon said...

If his first words are "What the shit?" it won't be so bad -- he just takes after his father.

Tiffany said...

I have a blue VW Bug that's the same color as Bloo. So I've named him "Bloo." And now, in addition to envisioning my car as a cartoon character, I can also visualize what it would be like if, instead of a bumper, my car had an actual ass. From now on, when someone is following too close, Z's picture will be in my head and "Kiss this!" will be coming out of my mouth. I cna't explain how brilliant this situation is!

-Tiffany S.