I don't know if I've blathered about this before, but in order to make it through the goddamn day with my sanity, and a manageable amount of crabbiness intact, I must be swaddled, at all times, in the softest of fabrics. I may not have the most expansive wardrobe, and it may not be the most stylish, but it is, without a doubt, the most skin-mollifying collection of duds and dud-accessories known to personkind.
That's why I've decided to introduce you to a few of my most prized pieces from the 2008 CrabbyDuds Collection. Tonight, I am featuring the latest addition to the footwear category, and, in fact, the final piece in the GREATEST-MOST-SOFTEST OUTFIT EVER ASSEMBLED.
I give you, the Sanuk "Donnie":
What's that, you say? It looks like a slipper? A dirty hippie slipper? A dirty slippie? Well, then I, sir or madame, am a dirty slippie. I challenge you to slip your weary footies into the buttery orifice of this appendage pouch. Well, not this pouch -- get your own fucking pouch.
Seriously, though, get a pair of these fuckers -- you will be rewarded with 10 instant toe-rections. And, yes, I've worn them out in public and, no, I am not ashamed to admit that and, perhaps, people think I'm a fucking scumbag... but it's all in the service of softitude.
Here, I'll make it easy on you:
For the fellas (order a 1/2 to full size larger!)
For the Fridas
And hey, maybe next time, if you're lucky, I'll give you the inside scoop on my underwear.
(Wait... that didn't come out right.)