Explosive Diorama...

Okay, on to Mr. Z's school project. For his last book report, some Hardy Boys dreck, he wrote a five page journal in the voice of Frank Hardy. Right up Mr. Z's alley, and he totally rocked the hizzy and got an A+ on it. This time around, he had the option of recreating a scene from a fantasy book, called "Dragon Rider," in the form of the oldest and most beloved of all media -- the diorama. He decided to go for it, and, of course, I had visions of a wait-until-the-last-minute, tearful shoebox gluing pig-fuck.

If we were going to take on the diorama challenge, we had to hit it early and hit it hard! And that we did, my friends... that we did.

One trip to Hobby Lobby later, we sat at the table -- clay, pipe-cleaners, gold & silver paint, gold & silver lamé fabric, cotton fluff, Sharpies, fishing line, and a locked-and-loaded glue gun at the ready. Of course, I wanted to push the boy aside and do the whole thing myself, but I said to myself, "Self? Back the fuck off! This is Mr. Z's first diorama, and you must let him travel this road on his own. Yes, he will be faced with challenges... but they are HIS challenges to face, alone. You may lend him emotional support only... wait... you should probably tie the shit up with the fishing line... and definitely don't let him fuck with the glue gun, that would be disastrous. Okay, other than the fishing line and the hot glue, it's his journey."

So, I showed amazing restraint and let him do his thing. I offered a little advice on scale and positioning, but he really had his own vision for this bad boy. And personally, I think it's fucking spectacular. How do I know? To test the success of a diorama, you have to ask the question, "Would I want to shrink down and live in there?" If the answer is yes, it's the shit. My answer was a resounding, "Fuck yeah!"

Behold... DRAGON RIDER: THE DIORAMA!



A detail of Nettlebrand, the malevolent:



Fear not, however, for the silver-wing-ed Firedrake, and his riders young Ben and the Brownies, shall best the merciless monster and fly off to the Rim of Heaven in the Himalayas -- where dragons can live in harmony in a snow-capped sanctuary, free from those who seek their destruction:



If the boy doesn't get an A++ on this mofo, heads are gonna roll.