Tuesday, November 06, 2007

1 + 1 = AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

We finally picked up all the pottery from Miss O's birthday party and it all turned out pretty well. Of course, we had to deliver it all to each kids' house, and by "we" I mean the Old Lady did it, so it wasn't really that big of a pain in the ass at all. Actually, it was quite painless.

So, I didn't bother posting pics of Mr. Z's and Miss O's pieces -- they did a dinosaur and a dog, respectively, and frankly, they were eh. It's not like they sculpted the fucking clay or anthing -- they just slapped some fucking glaze on a pre-made tchotchke and that was it.

The piece that really stood out, though, was done by one of these twins that Miss O knows. Now, I'm sure I've mentioned before the extent of my crippling twin phobia. And my ability to pick out a twin, even if I've never met them before and have no idea that they even have a twin? Have I mentioned that? Fucking creepy motherfuckers, twins. They always have that look like they never quite "finished" in the womb. Like there wasn't enough skin and shit to go around, so instead of one "complete" human, you end up with two not-quite-done humans.

The hair on the back of my neck just stood up thinking about it.

Anywhich, you might not have a problem with twins but you fucking should. They're like cats -- they steal your goddamn breath when you're sleeping. And they stare at you with those sunken baggy eyes of theirs. And, they paint horrifying clay abominations... LIKE THIS:



That, right there, is enough to turn your fucking hair white instantly, but remember... THERE ARE TWO OF THEM!!! AND THEY'RE EXACTLY THE SAME!!!!

I've gotta go. I just shit my pants.

6 comments:

Rimmer said...

hey dud, technical question. sometimes when i read le blog or TRY TO, there's a big gray box over part of the copy or the photo or,in this case, both.
wassup witdat?
ps never knew about your twin thing. veeeeeeery interesting.

nora said...

I just got this email: "Crabby Dad's post today almost ruined my computer as I spewed my drink when I reading about his twin phobia. What a way to start your day, I am going to laugh all day."

Maureen was right. I'll be laughing all day.

The Indiana Crabby Club is growing by leaps and bounds.

Monica said...

Hey CD - so glad you're back, I'm outta crack and low on gin,low on life and I needed a grin, oh god somebody stop me...
But really, thanks for coming back into focus there dude. No pressure or anything, but for some of us, you're the craison d'etre.

Jerry said...

If you don't like twins you must've really liked this movie:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rmn6FRgYwBQ

crabbydad said...

Thanks Nora and Monica. The main reason I keep writing lately is to try and connect with you all -- the virtual friends I pretend to have.

Except for Jerry. You, sir, are on my shit-list for sending that clip to me. That scene was just about purged from my memory and then BAM! Now I won't sleep for months. CURSE YOU, SIR!!!

Lizzy said...

I just peed myself. I'm am a crabbydad virtual groupie, and this post is why.