Who's Schoolin' Who? Wait... whom. Right? Yeah, it's 'whom.'

Last week, the spawn had no school on Friday. This week, there was no school on Wednesday. Next week, on Election Day, no less, they're also off from school. Then it's fucking Thanksgiving. What the shit is up with the school districts in this state?! If I wanted them home this much I'd be home-schooling them. I'm telling you, I'm this close to running for the school board. If only I weren't so unbelievably disinterested in whatever that job might entail. I know it would mean wearing some fancy slacks and shaving, so fuck it.

I took Miss O to the dentist today for her six month checkup. That girl is amazing -- sat there, still as a... person who is still a lot... maybe a catatonic schizophrenic, say, and didn't even complain when she was getting her teeth cleaned. Our girl is gittin' all growed up, Ma. It was pretty cool, though, seeing her interact with the hygienist and the dentist, answering all their questions and joking around and shit. I like that they're getting older. Sure, I loved when they were little and cute and shit, but it's pretty cool now that they're becoming little people. They can still be pains in the ass, but it just seems so much more manageable. Of course I'll be singing a different tune in two weeks when I have to take Mr. Z to the dentist and he's squirming around in the chair and biting the hygienist's fingers and gagging while she's poking around in his mouth. But for now, I'll just bask in the delusion that they're growing up and life will soon be so much simpler.

I finally started swimming again, by the way. The fucking pool was closed for over two months while they "replaced the filtration system," code for "scraped the years of spum, scabs and fecal greaseballs out of the drain." I have to say, though, that the water seems a hell of a lot clearer and less "burn-y." It was like swimming in applesauce before. Now it's just like swimming in pee. I was able to do about half the laps I did before the shut-down, and I think I coughed up a few alveoli when I was done. (I made sure to hock them into the water, just for old times' sake.)

It snowed here today. Of course, yesterday we gave a bunch of our old winter coats to some sorority that was having some charity coat drive. Seemed like the right thing to do, but unfortunately, I gave them my only winter coat, thinking I'd have time before it snowed to get a new one. Boy is my face red -- except it's not from embarrassment, it's from goddamn frostbite. So I guess it's off to Old Navy for another crappy winter coat that I'll give away to another sorority next year because a) it's ugly, 2) it doesn't keep me warm, and b) it's ugly. Where does a guy, in the middle of Michigan, get a hip, warm winter coat that doesn't either make him look like "Hikey McOutdoorsman" or "Puffy VonDownerson"? I need the equivalent of a Chuck Taylor high top in a toasty winter coat. Something like this:



Perfect. Note to self: call Converse.