Nerdily Ever After...

You hear these stories about people who think they know their spouses, and then suddenly some shocking secret is revealed -- like they find a stash of diapers in their husband's sock drawer, or they discover their wife has been storing every one of her B.M.s in pickle jars in her closet since the late 90s, or they read in the paper that their husband is a meth head and likes to get his pulpit pulled by some male body-builder in Denver.

Well, I have become one of those people. Today, the old lady came back from a Target shopping spree with Mr. Z, and I discovered a little something she had purchased for herself. Brace yourself -- it was... a SUDOKU BOOK. You could've blown me over with... some sort of blowing device that really doesn't blow very hard. I mean, she might as well have walked into the house and declared, "I'm a gazelle trapped in a woman's body and I'm moving to Chad to marry a rhinoceros. Fuck you." Of all the things in the world she could've purchased, that has to be one of the last... right before "The Complete Works of The Three Stooges DVD Boxset."

I asked her where the shit that purchase came from, and she just said, "What? I like puzzles. I just wanted something mindless to do while I watched TV at night." She likes puzzles... HA! I say! I don't know what she's really up to, but something's not kosher in Denmark. Except maybe this:



And what's next? Today it's Sudoku, tomorrow what? Sangaku? Sokoban? Soma cube? JUNIOR JUMBLE?!?!?! I'm telling you, it feels like the last 20 years have been a lie. Up is down, left is right... it's like I'm trapped in some sort of 9 x9 grid and every column, every row and every 3 x3 box contains the digits 1 to 9!

You know, we're thinking of getting some tiles to do the backsplash in our kitchen. I have a sinking feeling I know the pattern that the old lady's going to pick out: