Well, the moron twins ("We're not twins") showed up today with the kitchen counters and, guess what? SURPRISE! They fucked them up. They put in the top for the kitchen island and for the desk area, no problem. Then they brought in the big one with the sink attached to it, and it didn't fit. It came up a little short... like their DNA strands. So they put it back on the truck and said, "Hmm... they must've cut it wrong or something. We'll have to order a new one... probably gonna take a little while." That's okay, guys. Counters and sinks are overrated. I love washing all the dishes in the pedestal sink right next to the place where my whole family sits to void their respective colons.
Oh, and they also fucked up the countertop in the family room. There was this little wet-bar area there, very "Bewitched," and we had them remove the sink so we could make it a nice solid surface for wine and shit. They installed the top... unfortunately it was the wrong solid surface. They put in the same top as the kitchen, which doesn't match the completely different color scheme in the family room. I mean, I don't want to sound like a dick but dudes, there were like four counters to install. Would it kill you to check the work order before drilling and cutting and gluing shit all over the inside of my house.
You know, I made a conscious effort not to stand there and watch them install everything because I thought it would be disrespectful, like I was surveying their every move to make sure they wouldn't fuck up. Good idea. It really pays to be conscientious, doesn't it?
So it's back to plywood boards for counters and washing dishes next to the crapper for who knows how many more fucking weeks. You know, I'm actually starting to like the simplicity of it all. I'm thinking of breaking out the windows and covering the openings up with clear plastic tarps and wheeling in a coupla yards of dirt for the floors. Build us a nice firepit near the microwave, maybe get a mini-bike to ride around in there... a three-legged dog with a rheumy eye.
Why do I have a sudden craving for a pickled egg?