Friday, February 17, 2006

Here boy!

So, I'm not going to get into why I use "Cottonelle Fresh Folded Wipes" (might it have something to do with the fact that they are moist, flushable and infused with Aloe and Vitamin E?... it might) but there is something about them that really disturbs me. No, it's not the fact that I'm cleaning my "business end" with a dressed up baby wipe. It's not the fact that you can only flush two at a time, according to the 'instructions,' or your sewer system will implode. It's not even the fact that I carry some with me whenever I leave the house for an extended period of time in a Ziploc sandwich bag, lest I be stranded in some dank outhouse with only a pinecone to swab the deck.

It's the fact that they have chosen this as their logo:

Here, let me zoom in a bit:

What's that? Why it's a cute little puppy! A yellow lab, even. Now, what are they saying here? Are they saying that wiping your ass with "Cottonelle Fresh Folded Wipes" is akin to wiping your ass with a puppy? Perhaps. Or, are they going that extra step and saying that when you wipe said ass, it gives you the sensation of a cute, yellow lab puppy licking your anus clean, as it would, say, a bowl full of Snausages. Well, having used "Cottonelle Fresh Folded Wipes" for years now, I'm going to go out on a limb and say it's the latter. And now that I have that image in my head, it's something I think about every time I use their product. I feel like bursting out of the john exclaiming, "My ass feels puppy-lickin' clean!" I don't know if that's what they actually intended, but hey, that's not a bad catch-phrase for them. And they can have it, free of charge. On me:


Anonymous said...

I will never think of anything else ever again. That is the most hilarious thing ever.

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