Wednesday, August 13, 2008

It's a Burl!

Well, I wasn't going to say anything, but the Old Lady and I have just welcomed a new member to the Crabbyfamily. It was a tough delivery, but everything turned out just fine. Say "hello" to our bouncing baby... DINING ROOM TABLE AND CHAIRS!

And look, it has my legs! Actually, it's the "Kyoto" table with the "Jake" chairs all from our favorite furniture-crack-dealer, Room & Board. This is where the freelance money goes, people. We've got a big ol' empty house and, apparently, we're supposed to fill it with shit. And unfortunately, the Old Lady and I like our shit mid-century and expensive instead of late 80s and denim. Ain't that a bitch.

We also got a lamp (which we're returning 'cuz it's a piece of shit) and a new mattress (which we're keeping because our old one looks like "Mother's" bed from Psycho):

We got all this shit at once 'cuz they charge like 250 smackers to deliver it, so we figured we'd just go for it and not eat for a coupla months. The bummer is, I saw a little dent/scratch on the table and made the mistake of mentioning it to the Old Lady. You can't really see it unless you're looking for it, but we kinda figured, for the fucking cash we threw down for the mofo, it should be pretty much blemish free. So, they're sending out another one and will swap it out when it gets here in a coupla weeks. I know that makes us seem like dickhead yuppfucks, and I know we're killing the planet by making them drive another one out from Minnesota, but shit, man, I never drive anywhere and don't even leave the fucking house and we're getting our veggies from a local farm and I'm composting, goddammit, so lay the fuck off and let me have a dining room table so I can invite the friends I don't have over for a fancy dinner, all right?!

In fact, if any of you gentle readers are ever in town, consider this an open invitation to come sup with us at our fancy new table, and to plant your gentle asses upon our fancy chairs. I draw the line at the new mattress, though. If you stay over, you have to use "Mother's" mattress, which is now residing in the garage. Which is right next to the old broken TV and the old broken microwave. Hey, wait a minute... I'm not sure but I think we may just have ourselves a new GUEST HOUSE! Man, we ARE fancy!


Burbanmom said...

Sweet table! I don't blame the old lady for wanting a replacement. You paid good $$ for new, not scratch and dent. Let them sell this one at a discount.

Mike said...

Just a thought, but maybe a "garage sale" for the broken bed, microwave and tv. Can't treat your guests to broken stuff. But, then again, they might not stay as long...

Tiffany said...

Congratulations on your new addition!

The boyfriend and I still haven't upgraded to actual dining room table yet...we still have folding chairs and a folding card table.

So if you're ever in town, come over for some food and a game of the same time.

Also, we have no couch...just a futon. Woo!

fellow grinnellian said...

I agree with burbanmom. If you let them get away with selling/shipping damaged goods they'll try to do it to the next poor sucker too.

Carolyn (sea mystery) said...

Thanks for the invite. As funny as you are though, doubt if I'd be able to get through dinner without half of it coming through my nose from laughing at your comments. You are seriously witty, dude, and I thoroughly enjoy coming here just to see what you'll come up with next. Enjoy the new delivery.