In my never-ending quest to humiliate myself in a public forum (my pope-like self-flagellation by blog) and in the interest of full disclosure, I reveal to you my latest indignity...
I got my eyebrows did.
You read that right. Dye. On my fucking eyebrows. To make them look darker. See, at an age when most dudes' brows start sprouting like those of, say, a James Whitmore or a Sean Connery, mine are looking more and more like those of a Whoopi Goldberg or a Mike Nichols before putting on his body merkins. They're fading to nothingness -- my family can't even tell when I'm surprised anymore.
So I went to my haircutterlady, with whom I already have issues, and kindly asked her to give me a nice, gentle B.J. -- a Brow Job.
So, she slapped some jizz on my invisibrows, cut my hair and then wiped said jizz off my head just before what little browage I had left burst into flames. I'm telling ya, if getting one's brows burns like that then the anal bleaching I was planning on in the spring is definitely OUT!
She did mention that the skin under my brows would be stained for a day or so, which explains why people have been stopping me on the street to ask if I'm Brooke Shields' special brother.
But today they're looking pretty fucking sweet. The area between my eyeballs and my forehead feels 15 years younger! I don't know... you be the judge: