Wednesday, September 03, 2008

< Insert bad pun title here >

I've had nathan to say lately, really, hence the no typee. First, the spawnage have started school this week, so it's been a major pigfuck 'round these parts. Now that Mr. Z is in middle school (holy fuckstain?!) and Miss O is still at the elementary school, drop-offs and pickups have been impossible to figure out without a goddamn slide-rule and laser-guided miter box. And, while Mr. Z seems to be transitioning into 6th grade like a fucking champ, the stress it's causing me has been practically unbearable -- I'm tossing and turning every night, and having nightmares about showing up in class naked, with shampoo in my hair and completely unprepared for my algebra test. And I have this sinking feeling that, when I'm not looking, the Old Lady's gonna give me a swirlie and/or wedgie.

The other reason I haven't been typing is that I can't tear myself away from the fucking political blogs, of late. I'm having major electile dysfuckshit. I basically just sit here and do the bookmark rounds (one, two, three, four, five, six... and then seven just for good measure), and then I bury my head in my hands and think, "If this trigger-happy Methuselah and his fascist evangelical moose-killing-running-mate win this fucker, how quickly will I be able to move the crabbyfamily to Canda and, more importantly, do they have Trader Joe's in Toronto?"

Maybe I'll get lucky and fall into some sort of short-term coma or something. Then, if things work out in November, I'll snap out of it, but if Wrinkles McCranky pulls it outta his dusty John McAnus, well, they can just pull the ol' plug. Sounds like a plan. I'll start huffing paint thinner tomorrow.

In the meantime, I've gotta hit the sack so I can start my naked-shampoo algebra dream. Nighty-night!


Carolyn (Harbor Hon) said...

You are probably the only one who could get away with "the naked-shampoo look", so I say go with it. Might be a whole lot of fun. :)

Russ said...

Uhhh, Crabby? No wonder you're having issues like that! You are reading the most vitriolic bilge on the left side of the blogasphere! Those people make the MSM look unbiased! Do I need to rehab you?

Step 1: Log on to see, that didn't hurt! All it is is a series of links to other media outlets. Nothing too shocking.

Step 2: I'm going to send you to an actual conservative website. Don't freak out. They are nice people there, sure they mock the Democrats, but they take some pot shots at the elephants too. I want you to visit You can actually have a dissenting opinion there and they will discuss it with you, rationally (not all of course, but the vast majority).

Once you do that, let me know and I can get you a little farther to the right.

Even if you don't do this for the piece of mind aspect, do it so you can understand where the other side is coming from. It helps you understand your own views better.

ps I don't want McCain either, but Obama will run us to financial ruin, while his friends in Europe cheer him on.

queen lisa of montreal said...

CD: Here in Canada we have a federal election coming up on October 14th, and frankly, none of us could give a flying hyena's ass...because it just doesn't matter as much as yours does right now. We watch the Republican convention up here, and think it looks like a KKK Club Med. Seriously, we've never seen such a white group of folks in our whole lives. To steal Billy Connoley's line, "if they were any whiter, they'd be blue!" And so many with sparkly cowboy hats and t-shirts that say "shut up and drill". Yiiiiiiikes!! The last time we saw a crowd like that they were part of Earnest Ainsley and Peter Popoff's (im)moral majority. We're watching y'all invade all those places that make oil, and get the uneasy feeling you're looking at Alberta and Newfoundland and smacking your lips.

It's pretty much a given that McCain is old enough and frail enough to die in office, leaving this Sarah Palin person in charge...even temporarily. She just got her very first passport EVER in July. HER FIRST PASSPORT??
Seriously? As a Vice Presidential nomination? Whaaaaaaaaat???

Frankly, your country scares most of us shitless.

Good luck. We're pullin' for you. And if things don't work out, hey, there are some pretty good universities here in Montreal for Mrs. Crabbydad to teach at, the rent is cheap and the wine and fancy fromages are plentiful. We have a conservative government in power right now, but our Prime Minister is Timothy Fucking O'Leary compared to your lot down there...

Shannon said...

I didn't think it was possible to more horrified and disgusted than I was when George Bush was first nominated, but I am.

KKK Club Med... that nails it.

Good thing there's a lot of room in Canada.

crabbydad said...

Carolyn, if you think a sudsy Yeti is a whole lotta fun, then I'm your guy.

Now, Russ, I love you like a brother but brother, if you think Drudge is unbiased, well then, I think they may have snipped out a bit more than your vas deferens. As ABC reported "Republican operatives keep an open line to Drudge, often using him to attack their opponents." The images he uses and the stories he headlines all point to a very conservative agenda. Oh, and he's a dick. And I read plenty of conservative blogs. I forgot to mention in there. That's a fun one. I totally understand where the right is coming from, and I do realize that things are not black and white and not all freepers are out to destroy the world. But I'm very lefty (I thought Clinton was too conservative... seriously) and I think this country can be WAY better off.

Bottom line, I hate politics, regardless of party. I am, however, a granola-eatin', birkenstock-wearin' progressive who truly thinks McCain is the one that will truly drive this country into financial ruin... that is, if he doesn't get us all blowed up first. If you actually read through Obama's platform, you'll see fiscal responsibility, energy independence, sound foreign affairs policy and an overall respect for people in this country who don't have money, power or really, much of anything. I think that's the biggest difference between the parties -- a respect for all Americans (even if they don't have money and their skin is a "wacky" color.)

But I also hate talking politics with people I like, cuz I end up thinking I don't like them as much when I'm done... which is wrong. SO, no more politics talk in this blog. I like you too much to not like you, Russ. Agreed?

Queen Lisa, save me a slab o' back bacon. I'll be up there soon enough, eh.

Russ said...


At least you are reading something on the right side of the spectrum, that's all I ask.

I will take umbrage with your writers saying the RNC looked like a KKK convention, every third shot had non-whites in it. Perhaps it was because I was watching the live feed and not the network broadcast.

Anywho, we'll just agree to disagree.

PS: kudos on the different names for McCain, I was getting tired of McSame and McBush.

crabbydad said...

Agreed, Russ. And I'm not a fan of throwing KKK/Nazi accusations around, either -- it does tend to trivialize the true evilness of those groups when casually tossed around... and having it peppered throughout the comments tends to bring a certain element to the blog through Google keywords that I don't necessarily need hangin' around, either.

(Oh, and there's also "McCain't.")

Anywhich let's all talk about something we can all agree on... HOW 'BOUT THOSE CUBS?!!!!

Russ said...

The Cubs it is! I should really get the wife involved in that one, she is the real Cubs fan in the house, it's just background noise for me.

Jeremy said...

I'm glad you guys have reached an agreement.

And please keep a room open for me in Toronto, just in case.

Say Russ: with the cost of Iraq, and neocons threatening wars in Iran, Pakistan, and now a quick billion dollars of aid for Georgia, is it really the Democrats who are going to run us to financial ruin? I mean, the party of fiscal prudence has a few credit issues of their own right now.

Russ said...

Jeremy, your points are mostly valid. What passes for Republican these days is really Democrat lite. The party has migrated away from fiscal responsibility and it needs to come home.

As to the middle east, we are involved there now, like it or not. Should we pack up our bags and go home, we are putting our self in a dangerous spot. Iran controls 20% of the known oil output (should you need documentation, I can dig it up for you) and is more than willing to close it off to the west. Russia is attempting to cut off oil supplies to western Europe by taking over South Ossetia and Georgia (I think that the EU needs to be more involved in that area than we do).

How I think that the Dems will break us, in a word, taxes. Sure, they won't raise taxes on you or me (unless you meet their vague description of "rich"). But they will raise taxes on you indirectly. I assume at you buy stuff right? Food, gas, electronic, toys for the kids, etc. Well, companies don't pay taxes. Sure there is a line on the P&L that says "Income Taxes", but the point of fact is, they either a) pass it along to the consumer or b) make in house cuts, i.e. fire people (there are other options, of course, but they are usually done in conjunction with a or b).

Now, if we start sinking oil rigs in the OCS and ANWAR, along with building nuclear (pronounce it as you see fit) reactors and developing other alternate sources of power for our homes, business, and transportation, we have a win-win. Enough oil to tide us over to when we have the technology to put oil in its grave, without funding the crazies in the middle east. Oh, and it creates just a couple of jobs.

I'm not trying to be snarky, I'm just letting you know my views (right or wrong) and there is no animosity intended.

Lacy said...

aw, man. Seriously?!

Andy!! I came to this blog to take a break from MY too-many-political blogs and their 7,345 comments!

By the way, thanks for introducing me to more of 'em. Oof.

crabbydad said...


People don't come to crabbydad for political sniping. They come for farts and poop, dammit, and that's what I'm going to give them!

I mean, we can all agree on the hilarity of farts and poop, can't we? Barack Obama farts. John McCain eeks out a dehydrated pellet now and again. And with all those mooseburgers she's inhaling, you KNOW Sarah Palin is pinchin' some NASTAY loafs.

Let's drop the partisan jibberjabber and embrace the great equalizer that is excrement! Let's all go to "A Place Called Poop!"

Russ said...

Here Here! I hereby lay down my partisan arms.

Long live the poop joke!

leslie said...

I am simultaneously learning the words to "Oh, Canada", while humming the tune to "The
Wheels On The Bus Go Round and Round", for your post title.

Carolyn (Harbor Hon) said...

Wow! I think you might have started a forum there. Farters and Poopers Unite!

And just to let you know ... I've always liked my men with fur. I'm sure Mrs. Crabbydad does too cause she picked you.

seizuresalad said...

Crabbydad, since I know Queen Lisa of Montreal personally I can vouch for all she said. I live in Canada too, specifically Toronto.

C'mon up, seriously...lotsa Universities here...national industry here in Toronto means lotsa production and post production jobs for crabbeedads...

No Trader Joes though. Although we do have Whole (yuppie) Foods.