Saturday, March 15, 2008

What Part of 'Beware the Ides of March' Don't I Seem to Understand?

There's the picture... do I really need to elaborate? Do I really need to mention that, yes, it was the Old Lady's turn to take Miss O to yet another birthday at the shit-spewing Hellmouth that is Caesarland but, SOMEHOW, she woke up sick this morning and just couldn't muster the energy needed to survive 2 1/2 hours at that life-sucking anus of a party destination?

Must I go into the fact that I, while not necessarily at the pinnacle of healthitude myself, volun-fucking-teered to lead the girl, headlong into this festering fistula of a food franchise for a nearly three-hour-tour of inedible disks of diarrhea-dough, scabies-ridden circus freaklettes, parades of pallid pederasts and a mind-melting onslaught of unrelenting bells, whistles and epilepsy-inducing light flashes?

Perhaps I'll just show you the reading I registered on the Caesarland-Fun-Meter at about, oh, the ten-minutes-into-the-party mark:

At my next reading, a half-hour later, the meter burst into flames, melted into an oozing green puddle and then morphed into a small, leather-winged gryphon that proceeded to dine on my will to live.

But, Miss O came home with a pair of plastic fangs, a rubber fish and a bottle of bubbles that will all end up in the garbage in about 18 minutes, so it was all fucking worth it.


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crabbydad said...

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Anonymous said...


Kudos for taking one for the CrabbyTeam.

Take comfort in knowing that one day, this place will A. Go out of business for health code violations and/or B. Miss O will outgrow it.

-Kim's Sister

Jasper Mockingbard said...

I can't wait 'til Esmeralda is old enough for that crap. When that happens, I'll have to track down this post to remind myself of all the wonderful things those kind of places have to offer.

Her first b-day is coming up and we can celebrate in a park. That seems safe, unless a pack of alligators wander up from the lake and decide to snack on the herd of kids that'll be running around.

Kim said...

Do they serve beer at this portal of hell? At least they started tappin' a keg at Chuck E. Cheese. That's the only way some folks can endure a "party" there!

Burbanmom said...

LMAO. We had to hit Chuck E. Sneeze last week for a b-day party. What a festering boil of germs that place is. It's amazing we don't all have typhoid fever now.

Hope Miss O feels better soon!