Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Holed (up in) The Mayo...

Well, the witching hour is almost nigh -- we leave tomorrow for the Mayo Clinic, with a quick drop-off of the sickly spawn in suburban Chi-town on the way. Not my first choice for Spring Break, but hey, it's getting me outta the house, so there's that.

In classic "someone's-fucking-with-the-crabmeister" fashion, my appointment starts at 7:15 a.m. on Friday morning. I have to have fasted for 12 hours beforehand, which will fucking blow, but the kicker is, they said I should expect to be there for two to four days. Understandable, sure, but they DON'T FUCKING COUNT SATURDAY AND SUNDAY, GODDAMMIT! So they'll poke and prod and finagle my finagleables a bit, then I sit on my fucking ass for two days, and then they resume the finagling on Monday.

We have tentative plans to drive up to Minneapolis for the day on Saturday to hang with a friend, but if the Mayo-nazers perform that heinous bone marrow biopsy on Friday, well we can fucking kiss those plans goodbye. After the last one (a mere two weeks ago, if you're keeping score), the last thing I wanted to do was clomp around crowds of fucking hosers with my newly-depleted-of-marrow pelvis. The Old Lady is welcome to go -- I'll just sit in the Kahler Grand Hotel and watch teevee all day, with my fucking numb finger jammed into my goddamn marrow-extraction hole.

I'm vacillating hourly about whether they're going to end up giving me good or shitty news. I guess any news is better than nothing... unless it's shitty news. I'm pretty sure nothing is better than shitty news. But apparently they know what the fuck they're doing up there, ya hey dere, so we'll see what these almost-Canadians have to say, eh.

Oh, did I mention that Mr. Z now has Miss O's plague and he stayed home from school today, too? No? Hm... must've slipped my completely fucked and frazzled mind. It was fucking nuts today -- running upstairs to give Miss O some soup, back downstairs to find a movie for Mr. Z to watch. Oh, I bought my first OnDemand movie today for the spawnage-- Shrek 3. $4.99 for that fucking green turd. I made up for it, though, with a selection from the "free" menu -- Beethoven's 2nd. If you told me I'd ever stick my kids, unsupervised, in front of a goddamn Charles Grodin dog movie, a sequel no less... well, I'd have told you you were krazy with a "k"... and two "e"s instead of a "y." I just hope they were able to understand the plot, not having seen the original and all.

Anywhich, I'm off. I'll be bringing the laptop up Nort', so barring any unforeseen blood-letting snafus or biopsy-bloopers, I'll be sayin' "Hey-oh!" from the Mayo.

Toodles.

11 comments:

PG said...

Do you like college hoops? If you do, at least it's a good weekend to be stuck in front of a tv with nothing to do.

Praying for you man. Hope you get good news.

Anonymous said...

Bruther: You really know how to live it up on your b-day. You are a trend setter! We'll be thinking of you.
--Seester

Burbanmom said...

Good luck, Crabby! Hope to hear some good news soon! :-) The Burbans will be thinking of ya.

queenlisaofmontreal said...

This must be pretty scary, this whole process. It sounds like you're in good hands there, though. Hoping for all things good, and speedy test results to ease your mind. :-)

Lizzy said...

At least you'll be in the perfect place to indulge in post-fast-wurst. Unless they don't want you eating that stuff, in which case I hope that's the wurst news you get...HA!

I'm not a believer, but I'll be sending my godless energy your way, dude. It's great that you're doing this. Hopefully, peace of mind (and body) will follow.

Jeremy said...

Where should we send the Caillou doll? He is most comforting if you roll around on the floor with him.

Crescent said...

I'm sending you tons of good vibes as well. I spent a majority of my sophomore year in hospitals so I know how depressarino that can but you have your amazing lady and lots of people wishing you good news so hang in there kitty.

nora said...

I hope the trip is as painless as possible. I've been trying to come up with some pithy statement, but I've got nothing.
Prayers and good thoughts from Indiana.

Monica said...

Just don't let us see you on some MiddleAged ExRockers Gone Wild tape - Joe Francis got nothin on you. (In exchange for the obligatory novena, however, I personally would like a signed pic of the CD nads in spandex...)(JK, CDOL, JK!!!)

okai said...

Sit back and relax. Did the Mayo thing with Angela back in the 90s...slow, because they take their time with you when it's your turn. All the best dude...fellow Pioneer86

Dawn said...

Hey Crabby! I can relate to what you're dealing with, having had a brush with the Big C last year. The waiting and the tests are by far the crappiest part -- time just seems to stop, doesn't it? Hang in there. The Grinnell '86-ers all send you positive vibes.

Dawn ('87)