Miss O stayed home today with her Caesarlandococci virus, and it looks like she's gonna be home again tomorrow. It's one of those weird-ass viruses where she's fine for like five hours, then her fever jumps up to 100 and she rolls into a ball on the couch until I can mainline some Children's Motrin into her.
She was doing great at bedtime, tonight, and I thought she'd be going to school for sure tomorrow. Then, about five minutes ago, after she'd been asleep for a coupla hours, she woke up and called for me:
MISS O: (whispering loudly but not screaming) Dad! The ants! The ants!
ME: Whuh? What ants?
MISS O: The ants are crawling all over the house!
[at this point I took her temp with the ear thermometer and it read 100.4]
ME: Miss O, you're dreaming. I'm gonna go get some Motrin. And there are no ants in the house.
MISS O: There are... I just saw one!
ME: It's okay. I just stepped on all of them. All the ants are gone.
[I gave her the Motrin and tucked her back in.]
MISS O: Sleep tight, Daddy.
ME: Sleep tight, Miss O.
ANT 1: (pause) Okay, he's gone! Quick -- let's crawl all over all of her shit again in case she wakes up!
ANT 2: What a dumbshit that dad is! Stepped on us, my postpetiole! Hey, whattya say after we're done in here we all crawl into his room, burrow into his ear canal and lay some fucking eggs in his brain.
ALL ANTS: ATTAAAAACK!!!!