Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Cellar?! I Hardly Knew... the cellar...

Okay, so I haven't really started the new year with a blog-writin' bangeroo, have I? Well, what the fuck do you want from me, goddammit -- I'm a slow ramper-upper. Plus, I've been emptying out the goddamn hellmouth of a basement we have because, yes, the builder fellas start work on the ol' basement redo THIS MONDAY. This mofo is going to be the Taj Mahal of basement rehabs... the Taj Mahellmouth. It's even gonna have walls and a floor and lights and outlets and fancy shit like that. Plus, it'll no longer be so fucking cold that when I descend into it's murky, radon-spore infested nether-regions my nipples'll no longer snap off like a coupla liquid-nitrogen dipped pencil erasers.

I'll be Mister Fancy Basement, I will. With intact nipples! Warm, intact nipples. Mmmmm... intact nipples.

Anywhich, that's also the reason my song-a-week idea has been kiboshed upon 'cuz I had to move all my recording wizardry into my temporary office in the soon-to-be-guestroom. I suppose I could try to record them up here but it'd definitely have some serious pigfuck potential. And I think it's way too early in the year for a pigfuck, don't you?

Oh, and did I mention that the Old Lady leaves tomorrow for a four day jaunt in New Orleans for a "conference," while I'm stuck here in fucking Antfartica with the spawnage? Nothing like a long weekend with a coupla cooped-up spawnages and temperatures so fucking frigid outside that it could freeze a... a... something that's really hot that normally wouldn't freeze very readily.

AND the Old Lady's taking the "good car" to the airport, so we're stuck with the car with the treadless tires that are balder than... I dunno, balder than Howie Mandel's ball-sack. (I'll tell ya, not blogging for awhile has definitely taken a toll on my simile production capabilities. Gotta work on that.)

So, we'll see... maybe this weekend will produce the second song-a-week offering. Or maybe the spawnage will upload a recording of themselves beating me to death with their Dino-Tubulars. Hard to tell.

Stay tuned...

6 comments:

leslie said...

You still have a lovely way with words, Crabby.

"...my nipples'll no longer snap off like a coupla liquid-nitrogen dipped pencil erasers."

It's classic.

crabbydad said...

Feel free to use it in casual conversation, Leslie. Such as, "Here's my dry cleaning. Please, go light on the starch, so my nipples'll no longer snap off like a coupla liquid-nitrogen dipped pencil erasers. Have a nice day!"

Give it a go.

Lizzy said...

More crabbydad in 2009

nora said...

Hope the weekend is going okay.
And I'm going to try to drop "my nipples'll no longer snap off like a coupla liquid-nitrogen dipped pencil erasers." in to my waitressing patter tonight. Wonder how that will affect the tips?

Lizzy said...

Here's the Brooklyn version of crabbydad:
http://unitparental.blogspot.com/

He's kinda new, so start at the beginning to see what he's about. I hope you like it.

choosydad said...

Sounds like this may be the last chance for a recording of your teeth chattering, actually.