Tuesday, September 27, 2016

What Mr. Z Eats in College: The Sophomore Meals/#004

9.22.16 Dinner

MR. Z: Pretty proud of this meal. Some taters/pasta/salad. Didn't even get a single slice of pizza or tater tot.

This meal's color palette:

Not much to say here -- that is, indeed, a solid meal. Way to go, Mr. Z! And while it's true, there's not a single slice of pizza on the plate, a little creative use of the cropping tool does reveal this:

Wednesday, August 31, 2016

What Mr. Z Eats in College: The Sophomore Meals/#003

8.30.16 Lunch

MR. Z.: Chicken Caesar wrap from DK's. I've been getting these pretty regularly this year since a) I gotta actually use my flex dollars this time, and b) all of my friends have class right now, so I can't go to Commons unless I want to eat alone. These are actually pretty great, though: the chicken/lettuce/tortilla ratio is surprisingly A+.

This meal's color palette:

No complaints here. Bunch of major food groups represented, all wrapped up in another food group. And all, apparently, being eaten over the keyboard of his expensive laptop. (I'll just put a can of compressed air in his next care package to blow all the Harvest Cheddar and meaty bits outta there.) Also, way to use your flex dollars, Mr. Z! I don't want that school walking away with any unspent crabbycash, dammit! Use it all up, boy! A+.

Friday, August 26, 2016

What Mr. Z Eats in College: The Sophomore Meals/#002

8.25.16 Dinner

MR. Z.: Taking some more risks, and today that means I got the dish on the upper right, which claimed to be tempeh but seemed much more like Satan. It was actually not too bad! And the pizza quality has surprisingly improved, too.

This meal's color palette:

The elusive green color makes an early appearance this year. I like that he's taking some culinary risks and not parking his colon solely in pizzatown just yet. I call "foul" on the chef for trying to slip seitan into a dish by calling it tempeh, though. As far as alterna-meats go, tempeh is fine, but eating seitan is like choking down a vegan hemp-loogie. Wheat sputum.  It's like the giblets of a Tofurkey. Keep up the healthy eating, though, Mr. Z!

Monday, August 22, 2016

What Mr. Z Eats in College: The Sophomore Meals/#001

8.21.16 Lunch

MR. Z.: First meal.

This meal's color palette:

Sophomore year has commenced. And it looks like Mr. Z is starting his gustatory adventures off with a bang: Cocoa Puffs and a tall glass of Robitussin. Things can only get better from here. (Or can they?)

Wednesday, March 02, 2016

What Mr. Z Eats in College: Meal 052

3.1.16 Lunch

MR. Z.: Here's today's lunch. They had a pretzel bite station and, of course, I had to try that out. They're just as greasy and amazing as your classic pretzel bites. Topped off with a hot dog (turkey, of course) and a ton of kale.

This meal's color palette:

Pretzel Bite Station?! Isn't that where Thomas the Diabetic Tank Engine lives? This meal covers a LOT of ground, Mr. Z. First of all, I don't think there's such a thing as "your classic pretzel bites." I'm pretty sure they didn't exist pre-2013. I do like that you stuck to the ballpark theme by adding the hotdog, though. Nothing helps wash down some greasy, amazing pretzel bites like turkey beaks, nipples and anuses. The "ton of kale" definitely helps balance the meal out, although I'm guessing it really only cancels out the hotdog OR the "bites." Crack your window tonight before going to sleep.

*************Colon Motility Forecast: Some Delays... Try A Glass of Benefiber with Breakfast*************

Friday, January 29, 2016

What Mr. Z. Eats in College: Meal 051

1.27.16 Dinner

MR. Z.: Veggie burger. Also, white bean "salad" with kale, of course.

This meal's color palette:

This is actually an historic post: there's officially more produce on that plate than carbs. It's... dare I say... a balanced meal! Frankly, I didn't think I'd live to see this day. I'd like to thank everyone who helped Mr. Z get to where he is today: me, the Old Lady, the farmers of southwestern Wisconsin, the Kale Institute, PETA, Alicia Silverstone, and Mr. Potato Head. We did it!

*************Colon Motility Forecast: Smooth sailing!!!*************

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

What Mr. Z Eats in College: Meal 050

1.25.16 Dinner

ME: Ooh, that looks good...

MR. Z.: Yeah, great meal! Complete with kale!

ME: Your new friend, Kale?

MR. Z.: We're becoming good chums. He's easy on my bowels.

This meal's color palette:

He's got the kernel of the right idea here. There's no pizza on the plate, bonus, and there are greens. Unfortunately, the greens are part of a pasta salad that is sitting beside his main course: pasta. (Which is sitting beside his other main course: grilled cheese sandwich.) At least he's washing it all down with a nutritious orange beverage. I can't complain, though, as this is light years ahead of where he started the school year. Keep up the kale, Mr. Z!

Colon motility forecast: Doughy with a chance of kale...

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

What Mr. Z. Eats in College: Meal 049

1.18.16 Lunch

MR. Z.: First meal of second semester. Veggie melt sandwich, "blonde" pizza with some sort of greens and a kale salad. Semester 2 is starting off well. Hopefully the kale doesn't destroy my bowels.

This meal's color palette:

A whole new semester yields a whole new color palette. I see a little lilac in there and, what is that... heliotrope?!  Yes, Mr. Z. is back at school after five weeks at home. It was great having him back at the homestead for so long. In fact, it was almost like he never left... his room. Which he didn't. I think he enjoyed the downtime but I'm pretty sure he was ready to get back to school after about 72 hours, 24 sticks of string cheese and a metric ton of Cheez-Its. Hopefully, this semester, he'll learn that it's the carbs and not the kale that his colon needs to be worried about.

Also, I'd be concerned about pizza that's named after hair.

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

What Mr. Z Eats in College: Meal 048

12.12.15 Lunch

MR. Z.: Turkey sandwich thing that was really good and a bun with hummus and arugula and various other vegetables (and, of course, even more greens on the side). I'm not sure how you're going to complain about this meal -- it was pretty amazing.

This meal's color palette:

I don't mean to be a doubting Dorothy but there's no way he ate all those greens. That's a decoy plate if ever I've seen one -- just out of frame there's a mop bucket filled with cheddar fries, mac and cheese and Little Debbie Zebra Cakes. However, if you truly ate that meal, Mr. Z., then I'm giving you an A+ for the semester. Especially since the very first meal pic you sent me this year was this:

I'll bet there are still hunks of that crust wedged into your ileocecal junction. Don't worry, though. Just keep flushing your system with whatever that red liquid is and you'll be fine. Safe travels home, Mr. Z! See you soon!

Thursday, December 10, 2015

What Mr. Z. Eats in College: Meal 047

12.8.15 Dinner

MR. Z.: Tonight was a "mac and cheese bar" (so basically there were MASSIVE vats of mac and cheese). I took advantage of the opportunity and may or may not have gotten seconds, too. That veggie burger is a substitute for the nightly salad. It was pretty decent (though honestly, the only reason I didn't get a salad was because I couldn't fit it on my plate).

ME: You know where you need to sleep tonight?

MR. Z.: One of the dorms actually has a tub. I'll sleep there.

This meal's color palette:

All of my sphincters reflexively slammed shut when I looked at that plate. That's probably a half pound of pasta right there and he says he got seconds. No wonder our grocery bills plummeted by $150 after he left for school. I'm sure Italy is like, "Cosa รจ successo a tutti gli ordini di pasta da Michigan?! Stiamo per andare fuori dal mercato! Mamma mia!" Oh well, he'll be home for a month starting next week, which should help restart the Italian economy. I also love that, in Mr. Z.'s mind, a veggie burger on a bun with a Kraft single is the equivalent of a salad. Would it kill him to at least tuck a piece of lettuce into that thing? Get some green into that color palette, Mr. Z!

Wednesday, December 02, 2015

What Mr. Z. Eats in College: Meal 046

12.1.15 Dinner

MR. Z.: Dinner tonight. This was carrot coconut soup and I was a bit apprehensive at first, but it was amazing. Wasn't feeling pizza, so why not take a risk? (The "Global" line has had lots of red meat lately, which sucks.)

This meal's color palette:

I have nothing to complain about with this meal. Can't get much healthier than carrot soup with a side of "no pizza." The "Global" that he mentioned is the "Global Gourmet Daily Special" that we noticed on the menu and are trying to get Mr. Z to explore a bit more. Apparently it should be called "The Meat Lover's Global Gourmet Daily Special." I did notice that today's global lunch special is:

Give that a try, Mr. Z.! You like noodles AND it has aminos in it! Just like real Cantonese chefs use in their authentic Cantonese-style cooking! I can't tell you how many times I've been to Cantonese-style restaurants and said, "You know, these noodles are good but they'd be even more delicious with a little Lysine sprinkled on them. And maybe some Threonine and Glutamic Acid! Oh waiter! Bring me some aminos!!!"

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

What Mr. Z Eats in College: Meal 045

11.24.15 Dinner

Mr. Z.: Dinner.

This meal's color palette:

Does this photo really need any commentary? Do I really need to say that I hope that that's a bowl of Cocoa Puffs and not a collection of the petrified smellets that he was barely able to squeeze out after ingesting that mummified chicken sandwich and the mess o' fries from last night? Must I question why he'd get a glass of chocolate milk when the cereal automatically manufactures its own chocolate milk when you pour regular milk over it? Need I ponder whether that's an orange in the upper left or if it's a brick of Colby cheese that he gnawed on in between spoonfuls of chocolate?

Yeah, I didn't think so.

Monday, November 23, 2015

What Mr. Z. Eats in College: Meal 044

11.22.15 Dinner

MR. Z.: Went to DK's for dinner due to the lack of a frozen pizza in the fridge. I was originally gonna get some chicken tenders, but then I was like, "Hey, I should probably get something with some semblance of healthy stuff, huh?" So I got a chicken sandwich that said it had lettuce, tomato and onions. Lo and behold, I got it and guess what it didn't have? Lettuce, tomato or onions. But it did have Swiss cheese, so that negates everything else, right? Also, those fries were better than any "fries" I've EVER had at Commons. The Izze was amazing.

This meal's color palette:

I'm guessing the Izze was "amazing" because it allowed that dessicated-looking chicken-bun to somehow slide down his gullet without lodging in his epiglottis. That is one scratchy looking meal. I'm hoping that the red splatter on the plate is ketchup and not part of his larynx. Those fries do look good, though. Perhaps the chef at Commons could learn a thing or two from the work-study sophomore who most likely fried up that batch of crispy taters at DK's. Don't worry, Mr. Z, you'll get some solid meals under your belt this week at grandma and grandpa's house. And if you're lucky, we'll stop here for lunch.

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

What Mr. Z Eats: Meal 043

11.17.15 Lunch

MR. Z.: Lunch today. I realized that I should've taken a picture about halfway through my tots. I also had another grilled cheese afterwards and, subsequently, went into a carb coma.

This meal's color palette:

I guess we need to remember that carboholism is a disease. As they say, you need to take it "one tot at at a time." Sure, Mr. Z's intentions were good -- go for the tomato soup. Rich, healthy, comforting on a chilly autumn day. But where there's tomato soup, there's always a grilled cheese. And, apparently, where there's a grilled cheese, there are tots. And as they also say, "one tot is too many and a thousand not enough." And what better to wash a thousand tots down with than... a second grilled cheese. Maybe, with a little bit of luck and a giant salad at dinner, "this, too, shall pass."

Friday, November 13, 2015

What Mr. Z Eats: Meal 042

11.12.15 Dinner

MR. Z.: So this was actually last night's dinner, but over the past few days, I've finally found the trick to Commons. Instead of going for pizza (... well, even though there's a slice of pizza on the plate, that's the only time I've had it this week), I've been making grilled cheeses with the panini press once a day, and they always turn out amazingly. Better than almost anything else I've had here. Next step is probably a turkey melt.

This meal's color palette:

The chestnut hues of that stellar panini have muscled the greens of the salad straight out of that color palette. And look at that, he's down to just one slice of pizza per meal -- must be the pizza patch he started wearing to wean him off of his six-slice-a-day habit. And paninis are nothing like pizza. You've got two pieces of bread, pressed together and heated up, and filled with gooey melted cheese... yep, nothing like pizza.

Monday, November 09, 2015

What Mr. Z Eats: Meal 041

11.7.15 Dinner

MR. Z.: I've recently decided that Saturday nights are the time where I just say "fuck it" and go wild, hence this carb overload (#carboverload). A sub sandwich, a grilled cheese turkey melt, and two slices of "white pizza." (Commons with that thinly-veiled racism, huh? Not fun.) Thankfully, I made a salad.

This meal's color palette:

I wouldn't be surprised if Mr. Z gets some sort of commendation from The Gluten Society of America for single-handedly offsetting all of the financial losses the gluten-free people have caused the gluten industry. (Pro Tip: You might want to double up on those salads for the next few days, Mr. Z.)

Sunday, November 01, 2015

What Mr. Z Eats: Meal 040

10.30.15 Dinner

MR. Z.: It's "Bacon Day" in Commons. A huge downgrade from AppleFest. Lord help me. (There's even bacon in the cupcakes.) This is what I ended up with. Sadly, I had to regress back to pizza and greens, and then a "vegan tostada" or something that'll likely look similar to the aftermath of this meal tomorrow morning.

This meal's color palette:

Look, I try not to make every one of my comments have something to do with poop but meals like this make it down right impossible. Vegan tostada my ass. That entree is just sheer gastronomic apathy on the part of the chef. What self-respecting chef can let a plate like that even exist in the world. They might as well just throw a diaper on a plate. I can just see the scene in the kitchen:

CHEF: As a graduate of the Culinary Institute of America, I have trained at some of the most esteemed restaurants in the world. I've worked my way from sous chef to Chef de Cuisine at some of the most important bistros in New York and I am now Executive Chef of a fine liberal arts college in Wisconsin. Tonight, I shall create the greatest entree of my culinary lifetime! And I shall call it... Turd on a Tortilla... no... The Turdtilla!

[The chef dumps a can of refried beans on a tostada, "dings" the order-up bell and walks into the bathroom, slamming the door.]

CHEF: [muffled] If anyone needs me, I'll be in here planning tomorrow's menu. [SFX: flush]

Friday, October 30, 2015

What Mr. Z Eats: Meal 039

10.29.15 Dinner

MR. Z.: So tonight Commons served gnocchi. And it was actually... GOOD. What the hell?! It was better than the gnocchi from the Italian place in town*, so... make of that what you will. I had two helpings of it, the second with tomato cream sauce that was much better than the pesto (gnocchi and pesto don't mix). Also, that turkey burger looked suspiciously like red meat, but I took a risk anyway and it was definitely turkey (and not bad, at that). It just looked... crusty and pink on the outside. Of course, I prevented the #CarbOverload with my daily greens.

This meal's color palette:

*First off, "the Italian place in town" is so awful that saying something is better than it is like saying gonorrhea is better than anal warts. It's like walking into a morgue for Italian decor and food that has simply lost its collective will to live. I'm fairly sure Jimmy Hoffa is buried in their soup and salad bar, beneath the inch-thick skin that was covering the macaroni, mashed potatoes and cod balls. That said, I'm glad Mr. Z enjoyed the gnocchi... twice. And washed it down with a burger (we might have been able to see some of that crusty pinkness reflected in the color palette had he parted the buns a bit). Still no pizza sightings -- he's either kicked his habit or he's secretly scoring slices on the mean streets of Beloit. Either way, I'm glad he's hopped upon the nightly salad bandwagon. I'm glad and so is his GI motility.

10.29.15 Dessert

Mr. Z.: Dessert bonus: red velvet cupcake with Oreo frosting. I'm not sure why Commons has been so on top of their dessert game lately, but I'm not complaining. Anything that lets me skip out on their geode cookies.

This dessert's color palette:

That does look good. And kudos to Mr. Z for not eating a second one with tomato cream sauce.

Thursday, October 29, 2015

What Mr. Z. Eats: Meal 038

10.28.15 Dessert

MR. Z.: I had this for dessert. It was labeled as a "Better Than Anything Cake." Naturally, I was skeptical, but then I ate it and... oh my god. It was probably the best cake I've ever had. It was perfectly moist, the frosting was distributed just the right amount, there were toffee chips on the top, and it was just... just heavenly, really. They need to serve this kind of quality dessert every day.

This meal's color palette:

I'm pretty sure that's the first time Mr. Z. has ever used the word "heavenly." The only other time he may have uttered it was when he saw first laid eyes on Luna Lovegood. Okay, chef, a challenge has been thrown down. You've got the boy riled up about your desserts -- let's see you put some of that energy into your entrees. I'm not saying that you should change the menu, mind you. I'm just suggesting that it might not be a bad idea to sprinkle some toffee chips on tomorrow's Tater Tot Pizza.

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

What Mr. Z Eats: Meal 037

10.26.15 Dinner

MR. Z.: I decided to try to be (relatively) healthy tonight. No pizza all day. I mean, I got an ice cream bar later, but it's progress. Pasta with tomato pesto cream sauce, or something, then cauliflower and my daily greens. It was on fleek. Actually, no, it was like 8/10.

This meal's color palette:

Look at that plate! Look at that palette! It's happening -- Mr. Z is becoming a gastronome! Or a gastropod. Or maybe he just has gas. Maybe that's what "fleek" is. The point is, he didn't eat pizza for an entire day! This calls for a celebration! Pizza party?